In case you need some help to tell the Passover story at your seder tonight, I have enlisted my dogs, Moses Einstein Houdini and Eliyahu HaDoggie to tell it for you. Here goes.
The Hebrews were slaves in Egypt and God did not like this at all. This Hebrew lady had a little boy, and the Egyptians were killing Hebrew little boys, so she put him in a basket and sent him down the Nile. The princess of Egypt found the baby and kept him as her own. The baby’s name was Moses.
When Moses got older, he realized he was a Hebrew and his people were in slavery, and he got very angry about that. He killed an Egyptian slave master, then ran away into the wilderness. While Moses was in the wilderness, God showed up in a burning bush and told Moses to go to Pharaoh and say “Let my people go!” So he went back to Egypt.
Moses went to Pharaoh with his brother Aaron and was like:
And Pharaoh was all:
And so God turned the Nile into blood. Moses thought that would be enough to change Pharaoh’s mind, but he went back and asked the same thing and got the same response. In fact, Moses went back 9 more times, and 9 more times Pharaoh was like:
With each refusal God sent a plague worst than the last, until finally God told everyone he was going to visit Egypt and kill all the first-born sons. The only way a household would be spared was if they killed a lamb, and placed the blood on the doorposts of the house. When God saw that, he passed over the house and no one died.
Pharaoh did not place the blood on his doorpost and his son died, so when Moses showed up and again said:
And finally Pharaoh was like:
So the Hebrews and the Egyptians who feared God left Egypt, and took all the wealth of Egypt with them. As they were heading out Pharaoh was all:
and he took his army and went after the Hebrews. The Hebrews were having bigger problems though. They were on their way and came upon this big body of water they couldn’t pass, and were totally bummed. Once they saw the Egyptian army coming after that they were even more upset, and Moses was all:
But then this awesome dude named Nachshon just started walking into the Red Sea until it covered his head, then the sea split, so there was dry land and the water was like walls on either side.
So the Hebrews got to the other side, and the Egyptians were also walking through the Red Sea on the dry land going after the Hebrews. But once the Hebrews were all safely through, God caused the waters to crash on the Egyptians and they were killed. And Pharaoh was like:
And Moses said:
Then Moses led the Hebrews to Mt. Sinai…